Pacific Rim: No-go, Jiro

17 Jul

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationWe’ve attached a 3-1/2 minutes ‘featurette’ instead of the usual trailer, so readers can get a fuller idea of the production than what everybody has probably already seen in the trailer and TV ads.

Ike2Or, so you can just watch the featurette and save yourself the price of a movie ticket.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationCome on now, let’s remember that Guillermo del Toro is the same director who gave us the brilliant Pan’s Labyrinth.

Ike2Not to mention Blade II!

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationWe wish the man, and his movie, well.

Ike2Well enough to get Mountains of Madness off the ground, but not well enough for Pacific Rim II.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationIke–summarize.

Ike2Pacific Rim follows the adventures of a boy and his jaeger as he and an elite team of giant-robot fighters make a last stand to save the planet from city-stomping monsters from a trans-dimensional portal in the Pacific Ocean. Basically, it’s Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidora meet Transformers.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart Illustration‘Trans-dimensional portal’–nicely done! The film stars Charlie Hunnam, as Raleigh, the jaeger fighter with a past, Rinko Kikuchi, as Mako, the wanna-be jaeger fighter with a past, and Idris Elba, as commander Stacker Pentecost (!)

Ike2(!)

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationA former jaeger fighter, who has a past with Raleigh, a past with Mako, plus a past of his own that causes him to have lots of nosebleeds and carry a tin of Altoids.

Ike2Plus a few other people with other pasts or issues guaranteed to cause lots of HIGHLY DRAMATIC PERSONAL CONFLICT.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationNone of which is very interesting, and most of which just gets in the way of the only real reason to see this movie, which is the monster fights.

Ike2Which were freakin’ AWESOME.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationYeah, except for the stupid parts, and the parts where you couldn’t tell what was what.

Ike2I was completely lost during most of that last fight. Which one had the sword, and which one got his arm yanked off?

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationI think that was the same one.

Ike2Didn’t both of them have nuclear bombs? I couldn’t figure out why it was the broken one that had to go in the hole.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationYeah, I’m not sure anything about this movie would hold up to logical scrutiny. Why was it that missiles and nukes and giant swords worked against the monsters only if they were deployed by robots? Some of the fight stuff had a definite pro-wrestling vibe to it.

Ike2So did some of the acting, but considering the lines they had to deliver, I’m impressed the cast was able to keep a straight face. Except for Ron Perlman, of course. He seemed to be in on the joke. Otherwise, it was grim going.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart Illustration I almost wept for joy when Charlie Day showed up. His character brought welcome relief.

Ike2But we agree that the standout in the cast was little Mana Ashida as Young Mako. She was fantastic–the only one who could steal the scene from the monsters.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationI hope casting directors were paying attention, because that girl really brought it. With all the faux emotions flying around, her scenes were the only ones that really made me feel anything.

Ike2Oh, I felt something during other scenes, but I won’t say what.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationSo, to sum up, if giant monsters fighting giant robots sounds cool to you, go see Pacific Rim. But if you require a storyline, characters, and dialogue that operate above an eight-year-old level–

Ike2Rent Pan’s Labyrinth.

Our Review:

Fantastic special effects.

Wooden acting, but minor roles stand out.

Tedious ‘dramatic’ scenes.

Focus on the popcorn and the fights.

No jagermeister jokes!

Two tail-wags out of five.

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