Television Academy to Zombies: “Drop Dead.”

What’s a zombie got to do to get a little love from the folks who dole out the Emmy nominations?

Apparently, affect a lubricious Southern accent and talk directly to the camera, if House of Cards is any indication.

Yeah–hey, wait a minute. did you just say ‘lubricious’?

No.

You did. You said ‘lubricious.’

Did I? We must have our lines mixed up.

Arf!

Oh, har-de-har.

Anyway, for the 10th year in a row, The Walking Dead has been snubbed by the Emmys, and the people are outraged.

10th year? The show’s only been on three seasons.

Really? What am I thinking of?

Susan Lucci, maybe?

Gaaah! Just hearing that name gives me the willies!

While the show tends to clean up in the technical categories, like make-up and sound, it has yet to receive a single nomination for writing, acting, or best dramatic series.

Which, to me–and I’m really no fan of the zombie genre–is ridiculous. If shows like American Horror Story and Game of Thrones can rack up the nominations–and even claim some prestigious wins–why not Walking Dead?

Of course, the first season of American Horror Story was pretty awesome.

Sure, but what the heck was going on this season? It seemed like Shutter Island and The X Files put in a blender with Nunsense. I couldn’t stay with it.

But Jessica Lange is fantastic.

Sure, so is James Cromwell. Look, I don’t mean to take anything away from anybody who was nominated, but The Walking Dead is consistently brilliant in my book and deserving of recognition. The first season, I grant you, was shaky, but seasons two and three have been at a level few other shows ever attain. The acting, for one thing, is not only great, sometimes it is downright heroic.

   Yeah, I’d like to see Kevin Spacey make his little speeches to the camera while covered in zombie guts.

Not only that, but Andrew Lincoln does a more realistic Georgia accent!

I wonder if KS is really going for realistic, though. I mean, the character is half Richard III and half Foghorn Leghorn.

We should probably mention here that we love Kevin Spacey and think he’s great in House of Cards.

We do!

Again, it’s not about knocking anybody else.

No, that’s just our way to be a little–

Meow!

Stop that! I was going to say ‘snarky.’

Back to Andrew Lincoln, who plays Rick. I was so convinced he was the real southern deal that I almost fainted the first time I heard him interviewed and out came the British accent. So points for that. Plus look what the character has been through: Losing his family, then finding them, then losing his wife, then going crazy, being the hero for so long only to become an object of contempt for his son–

And don’t forget, he had to kill his best friend–twice!

It has been a truly epic portrayal, but then, so has virtually every performance in the series, from Stephen Yeun, as Glen, to Sarah Wayne Callies, as Lori, to David Morrissey, as The Governor. And Norman Reedus, and Michael Rooker, and Laurie Holden–I could go on and on. The changes these characters go through beat anything we’ve seen on virtually any other show.

And don’t forget Chandler Riggs, as Carl.

Oh, my God! That kid deserves a special Emmy for Outstanding Portrayal of a Kid in the Apocalypse.

Of course, you have to give a lot of the credit to the writers.

And how. Critics love to talk about how David Chase and James Gandolfini (God rest) made a sociopathic mobster into a sympathetic character in The Sopranos, but in the justly famous ‘barn full o’ zombies’ episode from season 2, they make you feel sorry for the zombies!

Hey, I can top that. When Michonne ran you-know-who through the head with her sword, they made me feel sorry for the Governor!

And the moral debates–first Shane and Dale and Rick, and then Hershel and Merle and Rick–come on! No doubt, it’s a great show.

So what’s your theory on why it’s never gotten any nominations?

Well, it is about zombies.

Yeah, there is that.

Honestly, the show puts a little too much emphasis on the many different ways a zombie’s head can be pureed like a tomato.

Sometimes I have to cover my eyes with my wittle paws.

The zombies are the weakest link for me. It’s the characters that make the show, and too often when the zombies pop up it’s just–yawn. You get the sense even the creators are tired of them, the way the characters dispatch them so easily now.

Didn’t Glen take one out with his baseball cap?

And I think the Governor waylaid that one group by using his eye-patch as a slingshot.

Maybe the show would do better if the zombies dressed in narrow suits and swizzled scotch.

Yeah, and talked about how floor wax makes you pine for lost youth.

Mad Zombies!

“Good morning, Sterling, Cooper, Draper–Oh, my God! It’s Pryce! He’s ba-a-a-ck! Aaarrgghh!

Say goodnight, zombie.

Good night, zombie.

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