Must Love Dogs; Hating ‘Avatar’ Optional

29 Jul

NoJamesCameron

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationOkay, so we’re pretty sure we saw James Cameron the other day, walking his dog on Beverly Drive.

Ike2It was amazing. The little fur-ball saved his life.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationWhat are you talking about? All the dog did was walk along beside him on a leash.

Ike2Which I assume is why you didn’t run Cameron down with the car. You couldn’t risk hitting the dog.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationOh, come on, I don’t have anything against James Cameron. In fact, I’m working on a sci-fi script that would be perfect for him. It’s about a little Javanese boy who dives for pearls for a native fisherman who is being exploited by an international mining corporation. The boy once saved a dolphin he found stuck in a tuna net, and one day, when the boy is overcome by oil spewed from from a leaking offshore drilling rig, that very dolphin rescues him and takes him to the only place on Earth with the advanced medical knowledge to revive his lifeless body–the dolphin city under the sea!

Ike2Oh, man…

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationI should mention that the dolphin city is sustained by nutrients that flow into the sea from a river that has its source in the Javanese rain forest–which is being clear-cut by the very same corporation!

Ike2Wait, I thought it was a mining company.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationActually, they’re a pearl-mining, lumber-cutting, tuna-fishing, non-sustainable energy conglomerate.

Ike2I really hate what Hollywood is doing to you.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationLook, making movies is tough, and everybody I’ve ever met out here gives it their all. I’m not into knocking anybody.

Ike2Titanic

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationA movie with some terrific sequences. When the water starts overwhelming the ship–

Ike2The ‘Star of the Sea’…

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationAnd James Cameron really has his finger on the pulse of the movie going–

Ike2‘Unobtainium’…

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationAll right! I hate Avatar and Titanic with the heat of a thousand Pandoran suns! They are fatuous, over-blown, effects-laden, monuments to lowest-common-denominator filmmaking.

Ike2But with some effective sequences and cutting-edge special effects.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationBut with some effective sequences and cutting-edge special effects. In any case, they are undoubtedly the two most overrated films in history.

Ike2Are we forgetting Shawshank Redemption is the highest-rated movie on IMDB?

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationThat’s a rant for another day. And while we’re on it, Terminator II was no great shakes either.

Ike2The Abyss had some really intense sequences–and then the goofy aliens showed up.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationYet another two-and-a-half hours of my life I’ll never get back. But come on, James Cameron is clearly a very talented guy who supports some noble causes. And he obviously loves his dog.

Ike2And Jerry Lewis says…

Ike2Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationSo did Hitler!

Ike2That’s a nice shot. It has a real Nazis-next-door quality.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationIt’s amazing how many photos of Hitler and his dog are available online.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWhich should tell you something about dogs.

Ike2Oh, like you wouldn’t suck up to anybody with a can of tuna. And not even dolphin-safe tuna!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATab Hunter sucks up to no man. I would take the tuna, though. And the dolphins are on their own.

Ike2See? There’s a cat for you!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOh, go eat a dog biscuit.

Ike2Oh, yeah? Well, I–uh–you know, a dog biscuit would be good right about now.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAStupid dog.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationActually, I think Tab has a point–

Ike2No! Tab never has a point!

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationI won’t go so far as to say that dogs always see the good in us, but they do see the human in us, and I think anyone who can relate to a dog must have some semblance of humanity in them, no matter how inhuman, or inhumane, they may be otherwise.

Ike2But who wouldn’t like a dog?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAhem…

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationHate to burst your bubble, buddy, but try Googling ‘I hate dogs.’

Ike2What?! They’ve even got a Facebook page!

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationAnd a logo:

NoDog

Ike2Oh, that’s heart-breaking.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationWell, consider the source. Here’s a sample post: “Its just a page i love animals ess Dogs i hv just created it for likes and nothing else dont get centi  :-p  Love Gods Creation  🙂 “

Ike2Oh, so even more so than dogs, they hate good grammar.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationInterestingly, in two totally unscientific surveys on amplicate.com, 27% of respondents say they hate dogs, compared to 35% who say they hate James Cameron.

Ike2Come on! It can’t be that close!

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationI wouldn’t put much stock in either one of those numbers.

SherryIcon2May I put in my two cents?

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationHi Sherry–please do.

SherryIcon2I know plenty of people who like Avatar, and plenty who hate Avatar, and they’re all perfectly lovely, but I don’t trust anybody who doesn’t like cats or dogs.

Ike2Amen.

SherryIcon2And by the way, I’m not so sure that was James Cameron.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationReally? You didn’t think he had that smug, king-of-the-world look about him?

SherryIcon2Allowing for the fact that it was Beverly Hills, all I saw was a perfectly nice-looking man out for a morning walk with his dog.

Happy Red Haired Freckled Boy With Missing Front Teeth, Laughing Retro Clipart IllustrationYou know, now that I think of it–James Cameron or not–that’s what I saw, too.

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